I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
