Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
