I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
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Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
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