also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
