you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
