We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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