hotel room ftw
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
