Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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