Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
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So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
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Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize