I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
