margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
