What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
