I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
