Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
