im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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