so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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