Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
