remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
