Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
