What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
