Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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