IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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