Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
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He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
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I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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