Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My vagina is officially offended.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
