you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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