The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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