i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
