I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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