tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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