community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
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Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
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correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize