Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
