You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
