While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i love accidental penises.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
