just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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