Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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