I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
