I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Fuck appropriateness.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
