You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm like, not good at living.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
