Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
