I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
