Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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