I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
