Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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