Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
