While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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