hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
