I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
