My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
