i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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