made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
