this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
