my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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