dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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