dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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