I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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