Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
