so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
