I will die if light touches me.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
