Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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