idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Vodka?
Forever.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
