Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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