I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
